Overflowing Memories
by MusicAssassin99
Summary: Johnny starts to remember the memories of his abuse and how it has hurt him over the years. Although, sometimes he keeps his emotions to himself. All Johnny wants is to be left alone. Until, Johnny turns to Ponyboy for help. Ponyboy tries the best of his ability to help his abused best friend. This story is mostly about Johnny. No slashes.
1. Johnny Cade

It was a rough day for little Johnny Cade. His father had beaten him once again along with the yelling as usual. Johnny had been through all this torture since he was a small child. He hated it. The verbal abuse hurts him more than the physical abuse. All those strong insulting words that would tear Johnny's heart out of his chest. He would feel himself bleeding in his sorrow. It was two strong bold adults against one small fearful puppy like sixteen year old teenager who could not fight someone ten times his size. Johnny wished his parents would love and care about him like they use to. Back then, his parents were nice and did not get drunk from the intoxicated alcohol.

He tried everything under the sun just to get his parent's affection but they still ignored him. Johnny hated being ignored just as much as hated being insulted. But, Johnny knew the abuse would never stop and his parents would not even care if he was dead, running away, or even committing suicide. His parents assume that everything was his fault and he was just a screw up. A mistake. Johnny tried to convince himself that wasn't true but every painful word would hit him like a brick that made him snap back into reality. Johnny wondered why his life had to be the way it is and why he cannot be happy for once. But those questions have still been left unanswered. Johnny still loved his parents. No matter how much they abused him. No matter how much the pain hurts. Deep down in his soft kind heart he will always love them.

Johnny was sitting alone in the vacant lot in the pouring rain under a tree behind him to keep himself dry. But the separate branches made it almost impossible for him to stay dry. He was getting soaked by the minute. He would of dropped by the Curtis's house to stay warm until the storm passed. Although, he didn't want to bother anyone. His denim jean jacket was soaked so the liquid was bleeding through, making his t-shirt damp. His jeans were darkened from the drops that were pouring on his legs. His black bangs were dripping with liquid pouring onto half of his face, almost covering half of his dark brown puppy like eyes. The grease was getting washed out of his hair. The environment grew cold around him and everywhere else.

But he didn't care. He could care less about anything at this point. Johnny began to shiver from not just the cold and being wet, but from the thought of the abuse from his parents and the beatings from the Socs. Johnny stared up at the grey sky's that were crying for the sun to come out again. Some drops would hit his face that made him blink, shake it off, or wipe them away. He got a bit annoyed with the rain hitting his face so he just stared at the damp green grass. He started studying the ground. He spotted a puddle right next to his feet. He bent over to look at his reflection in the small puddle.

Surprised despite seeing himself he now saw how fearful and weak he looked. Johnny pulled back the right side of his hair to see a gash that was bleeding out. He saw he also had a cut on his lower lip. He touched the cut on his lip to see any blood. A small smudge of blood was on his finger when he pulled his hand away. He studied his reflection more closely. He found the scar that was on his temple and cheek bone. He knew he had a scar in that area but he had never actually seen it. Johnny lifted his hand up to his face. His fingers traced the scar. He shivered to the texture. He put his arm down and looked sadly back to his reflection. Most of the time, Johnny didn't care how he appeared but now he knows how miserable and frightened he really is.

Now he knew why people said he looks like a dark puppy that has been kicked around too many times and lost in a crowd of strangers. He didn't want to be called the gang's "pet". It made him feel weak and younger than he is. But he had to except it weather if he liked it or not. Johnny leaned back into the seat and tried to forget about everything that was tearing him apart.


	2. First Time Abuse

Johnny sunk into the car seat, leaned his head back, and sighed. His eyelids felt heavy but he wasn't tired. He didn't want to sleep. He couldn't sleep. There were too many things spinning around in his mind. He wanted to focus on his surroundings but he couldn't focus on anything. Not even his gang. Just his parents. He feared he would have nightmares about his parents. Johnny couldn't risk falling asleep so he rubbed his eyes with both of his hands and sat up back into his previous position. Instead of looking at the gray rainy skies Johnny just stared at what was in front of him.

A memory slips through Johnny's mind. It was the day when his father had ever hit him. It was a dark windy cold night out in Tulsa. A worn out house was known as the Cade's residents. Little six year old Johnny cracked the door open slightly to see his mother reading a romance novel while his father was drinking some type of beverage. Johnny's parents had been acting strange lately. Johnny didn't know why but he could smell the beverage that they would drink every night. Alcohol. He knew what alcohol was even though he was six. He knew what it smelled like and so far he hated it. Although, the only thing he didn't know about alcohol was what it does to your system.

The mother had looked up from her book seeing that her husband was drinking the booze. She shook her head in disappointment.

"Why do you always have to drink that damn booze every night? The booze is not the only beverage in the world," The mother said getting irritated. The father turned his head to face his irritated wife.

"Why the hell do you have to complain every time I bring beer in the house?" The father responded. Getting annoyed with his nagging wife.

"Because we have a small child. You know if you drink in front of him he'll think that it's okay to drink booze. Do you want our son to end up being drunk and end up hurting others or himself? You have to be careful with the decisions you make with that booze," The mother reminded him.

"I'm tired of you nagging at me all the goddamn time. I know we have a son. Don't remind me," The father argued. "Besides, even if he did catch us drinking I bet he won't become a crazy drunk." The mother sighed and shook her head again thinking that this argument was getting ridiculous.

"And why are you telling me I need to watch my drinking? You drink every night too so don't be telling me to be careful cause you're doing the same thing," The father said acting like he didn't care if Johnny would see them drink. It was true that the mother would also drink and blame it on her husband for drinking too much alcohol. She began to get angry from the argument so she put the book down and stood up out of her chair.

"At least I care weather if Johnny sees us with the alcohol," The mother argued.

The father put the beer bottle down and stood up from the couch. Getting closer to his wife. Yelling in her face. Arguing who is the boss of the house and how they should raise their son. The parents continued to argue. Until the father had raised his arm and slapped his wife hard across the face. Johnny flinched at the sight of abuse. He closed his bedroom door quietly. He sat on his bed in fetal position. Rocking back and forth. Tears in his eyes that made his vision become blurry. Johnny was scared to death of his family. What has become of his parents? He knew it was the alcohol that was making their behavior worse. He was just a small child. He didn't know what to do. He was too helpless to do anything. All he could do was just listen to the loud voices and hear his parents throwing each other across the room.

Johnny looked at what was laying on his pillow. It was his white stuffed bear with a clear white ribbon tied around its neck. The bear smiling with dark black eyes. Ponyboy Curtis had given Johnny that stuffed animal. He bought the gift because he wanted to make Johnny happy and because he was Ponyboy's best friend. Johnny loved the stuffed animal. Ponyboy was excited that Johnny had liked it that much. They were true friends.

Johnny grasped the toy by its stomach and held it up against his chest. Johnny continued to sway in fear. Still hearing all the noises. He wished it would all stop. But it never did. It seemed like an hour of fighting. Johnny thought it was safe to come out of his room so he put the bear down and got up from the bed. He cracked open the door again to see that his parents were not in the living room. Johnny came out of his room slowly. He began to studying the house to see if anyone was there. Nothing.

His taste buds felt dry. He was thirsty. Johnny approached the kitchen to get something to drink. He opened the refrigerator door to find that all that all it had was leftovers from last time they had dinner, beer, and wine. He closed the door finding nothing that would satisfy his stomach. He reached for a glass cup and went over to the sink and filled water in it. He put the glass to his lips and began gulping down the fresh liquid. The water touching his dry tongue. He pulled the glass away from his mouth and sighed feeling refreshed.

Footsteps were approaching the kitchen. There at the doorway stood his father. Seeing his son drinking the water glass until it was completely empty. The father's eyes were filled with anger.

"Jonathan!" He yelled. Making the boy jump and drop the empty glass causing it to shatter. His father glanced at the ground seeing pieces of glass all over the floor. Johnny turned around seeing his angry father. Who stared at him viciously.

"Great, you broke the cup," His father said. Johnny looked all around the floor to see he was surrounded by broken glass. He looked at his father.

"I-I'm sorry I didn't mean to it was an accident," Johnny said pleadingly in his small soft voice.

"You're cleaning that damn mess up you little shit!" His father yelled making Johnny back away.

"But that's not why I'm standing here," His father said in a cold tone. " Do you know what time it is?"

Johnny glanced at the clock. It read 11:05PM. He then looked back at his father about to tell him the answer but his father had already beat him to it.

"It's way past your bedtime boy! You were supposed to be in bed asleep three hours ago!" His father yelled again. "Why are you still up?!"

"I-I couldn't sleep because I heard you and mom yelling," Johnny said being honest and afraid.

"You should have ignored it!"

"B-but I couldn't," Johnny could not control himself from shaking. "It was so loud."

" You complain just like your mother. Not to mention making up damn excuses," The father assumed.

"I'm not making up excuses! You and mom have been fighting a lot lately," Johnny argued.

"Are you talking back to me boy!?" His father hissed.

Before Johnny could answer, his father slapped him hard across the face causing him to hit the tiled floor. Johnny pulled himself to his knees. He had a huge red hand mark on his cheek. He touched his burning pained area while tears began to pour down his small face. Even the tears were stinging the mark. Johnny turned his head back to face his father. Who was staring at his hand to find a red mark on his palm. He then glanced at his frightened son who then quickly ran back into his room slamming the door.

"What the hell is going on?" Johnny's mother shouted when she heard all of the commotion. The father didn't respond. All he did was stare at the red mark. The mother went up to her husband to find a red mark on his hand. She scanned the floor to see pieces of glass everywhere.

"What the hell is all this mess?!" The mother screamed.

"Blame our son. He was up past his bedtime," The father argued blaming the mess on the floor was Johnny's fault.

"Explain that red mark on your hand!" The mother demanded. Ignoring the glass on the floor. Figuring that if her husband is blaming his son for making the mess that he must of done something that made Johnny upset. The father said nothing. The mother studying his facial expression. Then, it finally hit her.

"You hit Johnny, didn't you!?" The mother yelled into rage.

"He needs to learn how discipline is handled in this house!" The father said.

"You should never hit a child especially our own. Even if he did do something wrong," The mother argued again.

"I told you I am the boss of this house woman!" The father reminded her angrily.

Johnny heard the noises in the kitchen knowing that his parents were arguing again. Although, he was bawling from the pain that his father had given him physically and emotionally. He knew ever since the day his father started drinking that he would end up abusing his own flesh and blood. Maybe his mother could be next as well. Johnny grabbed his bear and hugged it tightly sobbing hard.

Everything snapped back into reality when thunder broke into Johnny's thoughts. He glanced at the sky for a brief moment then stared out into the lot again. He blinked a couple of times to get the horrible memory out of his head. He sighed. He hated remembering his childhood abuse. But everything just kept coming back no matter how much he didn't want to think about it.

Johnny ran his fingers through his partially damp hair until his bangs fell back on his forehead. He touched his scarred cheek with his hand. Remembering that was the spot where his father had hit him.


	3. Make it Stop!

Johnny flinched in pain. Touching the side of cheek where his father had hit him for the first time. Although, that was years ago. He was wondering why his cheek was sensitive in that area. He touched it again but this time feeling his cheek was a little bit swollen. He had a bruise. Johnny sighed in frustration. The fact that everyday he has to hide his wounds and scars from people. He has scars all over his stomach, chest, and back. Every time he went swimming, he would want to keep his shirt on. The gang would always ask him why he always wears a shirt when he swims. He would make up excuses that were not easy to come up with. But the gang always fell for it. He did not want other people, especially the gang, to see his scars. He was afraid to reveal himself. He didn't know what the gang or anyone else would think. He would probably be publicly humiliated. Or be put in a foster home if he was force to tell social services about his abuse. His neighborhood felt like hell most of the time. The whole Soc and Greaser gang rivalry was just pointless. Both sides were all human beings. Not trash. But in this generation, nobody cares.

The frustration inside of Johnny began to subside quickly into sadness. The memories were coming back again. Johnny put his face in his cupped hands. He sighed. He wished it would stop. He was sick and tired of thinking about everything that has happened in his childhood. Johnny put his hands back down and revealed his cut and bruised face. He rested his elbow on his knee and rested his forehead into his hand. He closed his eyes.

Johnny's mother had came into her little boy's room. She found Johnny laying on his stomach with his face buried into the pillow sobbing and his arms under it. His bear was laying on the floor. Mrs. Cade walked slowly over to her weeping son. She sat down next to Johnny on his bed. Mrs. Cade had no idea what to say. She knew that Johnny knew about the arguments and fights that have been going on lately between her and her husband. She hated seeing Johnny like this. Especially, his father hitting their son for the first time. She blames her husband for all of this. Bring booze in every night. First off hitting her and now Johnny. Although, some of the drinking was her fault. At least she kept it under control and not drink every night. Mrs. Cade continued to stare sadly at Johnny who was still sobbing. She put a hand on Johnny's slim back and stroked it in attempt to comfort him. She could feel him shaking violently. She had to say something. Otherwise, Johnny would feel like his own mother doesn't care about the abuse.

"Jonathan, sweetheart, don't cry. Everything will be okay. Your father didn't mean to hit you," Mrs. Cade said in a comforting tone. Johnny lifted his head from the pillow to turn to his mother. He turned his body to sit up cross legged. Mrs. Cade studied his face. Johnny's face was tear streaked with tears still falling. His eyes were red from crying. The red mark on Johnny's face had faded but his cheek was a bit swollen and bruised. It broke her heart to see her son in physical and emotional pain.

"Oh, my poor baby," Mrs. Cade said while embracing her small son into her arms. Johnny wrapped his small arms around his mother and continued to sob. He laid his head against her shoulder.

"Daddy hit me," Johnny said. "It hurts so bad. Mommy, I'm scared."

Those words from her son made Mrs. Cade feel awful. She didn't know what to do with his father. She tried telling him to get therapy or get help somewhere with his drinking problems. But no matter what she told him, he wouldn't listen. All she could do was just do her duties as a parent and wife. Mrs. Cade stroked Johnny's black soft hair.

"Don't be scared, Jonathan. Your father just lost his temper that's all," Mrs. Cade whispered trying to defend the father. Although, he really didn't deserve it. Johnny broke out of his mother's embrace.

"He didn't have to hit me!" Johnny said angrily. "I didn't know it was past my bed time and I couldn't sleep because you and daddy argued all night." Johnny crossed his arms and huffed. Tears still falling. Mrs. Cade could not blame Johnny for not being able to sleeping because of the loud noises that her and her husband were causing. Johnny had every right to be angry because of the fights and alcohol being allowed into the house.

"Johnny, you have every right to be mad at me and daddy. Everyone has flaws with their children. I'm certainly not happy by your father bringing every bottle of beer into this house. I always tell him not to but he keeps bringing it in and acts like he doesn't care." Mrs. Cade said half pleadingly. "But, I admit I do drink a little every now and then. Which I shouldn't have. I made that mistake. And so has your father." Johnny refusing to met his mother's gaze looked down on the bed.

"Johnny, look at me," Mrs. Cade put a hand under his chin so Johnny was giving her eye contact. Fingers stroking his jaw line.

"I know your father has been acting violent and careless around you. I am not going to let him hurt you again. Not today. Not any day. That's a promise."

"Really?" Johnny said as Mrs. Cade cupped Johnny's cheek in her hand as she wiped his tears away with her thumb.

"Yes. I promise I will work harder on keeping this family together and keeping booze out of this house so your father can straighten himself up," Mrs. Cade said assuring Johnny.

Mrs. Cade picked Johnny's bear up off the wooden floor and handed it to Johnny. He hugged the bear tightly in his arms and shut his eyes for a brief moment. He looked back at his mother who was smiling. Johnny gave a huge hug to his mother. Mrs. Cade returned the hug.

"Mommy?"

"Yes dear," Mrs. Cade said.

"Are you going to end up like dad?" Johnny asked worriedly.

"No. Not ever will I become a drunk abusive parent."

"Liar," Johnny said under his breath. A tear rolling down his face. Remembering the words that the mother had promised but never kept. The family never got any better. It kept getting worse everyday. His mother became a drunk abusive parent. But mostly yelling and ignoring Johnny. While the father did all the above. Johnny took a deep breath and tried to relax. Head still in his hand. Elbow still resting on his leg.

Age thirteen, Mr. Cade grabbed Johnny by his t-shirt and dragged him across the living room. He opened the door and threw Johnny off the porch to where he fell to the ground face first.

"Stay out you little shit!" Mr. Cade yelled before slamming the door.

Johnny rolled over to lay on his back on the cold hard ground. Overwhelmed by what just happened. He closed his eyes as tears began to pour. A shadow stood over Johnny. He opened his eyes quickly to find eleven year old Ponyboy. His feet near Johnny's head. He bent down to get a closer look at Johnny.

"Are you okay Johnnycakes?" Ponyboy asked. Johnny shook his head with tears.

"Mom! Dad! Soda! Darry!" Ponyboy called out for his family in a panic.

The rest of the Curtis family ran to Ponyboy's side and hovered over around Johnny. Five of them worried sick.

"Johnnycake, what happened?" Soda asked.

"My dad threw me out of the house," Johnny's voice cracked.

"Did your parents beat you too?" Darry asked.

Johnny nodded. The Curtis's frown in sorrow. Johnny was still young and he didn't deserve to be treated this way. Mr. Curtis put his arms underneath Johnny's body. One arm under his back and the other under his legs. He lifted Johnny of the dirt ground and pulled him closer to him. Johnny weakly wrapped one arm around Mr. Curtis's neck and put his hand on his shoulder. Mrs. Curtis walked over to Johnny in her husband's arms. She brushed away his tears with her gentle fingers. She then moved Johnny's short bands which fell back into place. She cupped Johnny's face.

"Everything will be okay, Johnny," Mrs. Curtis said in a kind tone. "You're safe with us. Your parents won't hurt you now. You can hang with Ponyboy, Soda, and Darry. Would you like that?"

Johnny nodded. Mrs. Curtis turned to her three sons.

"Boys, Johnny is going to be staying with us for awhile," Mrs. Curtis said.

The three boys had expressions of excitement. Ponyboy was jumping up and down overjoyed. Soda was saying "yes" repeatedly to the idea. Darry Jr. smiled and nodded.

"Alright, it's getting dark out. Lets head on home," instructed.

The Curtis family walked home to their house with carrying Johnny with him.

Johnny liked the memory of the Curtis's helping him that day when he was first kicked out of house. But at thirteen, he still hated bothering the Curtis's every time his parents beat him or when he sleeps outside not wanting to be with his parents in their brawl. He appreciated them for all they did but he thought the family was just wasting their time. Especially with the Curtis brothers having both of their parents deceased.

Johnny stretched out his arm that was resting on his leg. He wrapped his arms around himself to try to make himself warm. But is was useless. He crossed his arms and tried to get comfortable in the seat that made his back ache from sitting in the same spot for so long. Johnny was thinking of another memory of his abuse. He tried to shake it off but nothing worked. The memories were killing him. When was the nightmares going to end? It seemed like never. The nightmares were flashing through Johnny. He remembers every moment of those days of abuse. 'Why won't this stop?' Johnny thought to himself..

"You little shit!" His father's voice in his head. "You can't do anything right!" Johnny began to tremble violently. "You can't do anything right!" Johnny was breathing hard. He tried to control it but he felt like he couldn't. Tears forming in his eyes. 'Get out of my head!' Johnny thought to himself again.

On every fathers and mothers day, Johnny would give his parents cards and gifts to show his love. But they would shred the cards and gifts would be destroyed and throw into the garbage. Every holiday, his parents wouldn't celebrate anything. The only thing they did every years was get drank on a handover and abuse their son. His parents wouldn't even celebrate Johnny's birthday. All he would get as a reward was beatings and yelling or otherwise being ignored. Not caring if the parents had a son.

That was it. He couldn't take it. He was losing his mind with all these memories that were refusing to leave. He couldn't hold his emotions in any longer. He felt like if he didn't let out soon he would explode. Johnny put his head between his knees and put both his hands on the back of his head. He began to bawl. He hated the fact he had to except that his parents didn't love him. He knew if the gang saw him they would probably think he was a whip. But the gang knows that Johnny is a sensitive person so they go easy on him. None of it mattered now. All Johnny wanted to do now was bawl and wait until his emotions decides to settle down.


	4. I Can't Take It Anymore

Johnny continued to bawl. He had been bawling for what seemed like hours. River of tears that had so desperately wanted to fall. Johnny lifted his head out of his knees and tried to calm down. The nightmares had finally left Johnny's mind but he still felt distraught. He took a deep breath with tears slowly falling.

It was getting colder by the minute. Johnny would die of pneumonia if he didn't get out of the rain soon. He couldn't decide whether if he should go to his hell of a home or go to the Curtis's. He didn't want to go home because of the thoughts he had been having about his parents. But, he didn't want to disturb the Curtis brother's. 'Maybe it's best if I just go home' Johnny thought to himself. Johnny got up from the seat and headed his way towards home.

The rain was pouring hard it almost felt like hail. Johnny put his hands in his pockets and tried to ignore the rain that was making him soaked and hitting him like a thousand knives. Lighting strikes and the thunder became louder than ever. Johnny started to make a run for it. Once he was in front of his house he began to walk slower then stopped catching his breath. He could hear his parents yelling and screaming at each other. He walked slowly onto the porch. He grasped the door knob. He hesitated hearing a broken glass shatter. He turned where the Curtis house was which wasn't that far away. He looked back at his front door wondering if he should go in or not. If he went to the Curtis's, it would be safe there. If he went inside his own home, he would probably get beaten and yelled at. He couldn't decided on what to do at this point. His head was in a daze. He felt like he couldn't think. He thought since he was standing at the front door he might as well come in. Johnny turned the door knob and pushed the door open, entering his house. Once he was inside, he closed the door behind him and his parents quickly turned their attention towards Johnny. Who was completely drenched. came up to his son.

"Why the hell are you wet boy!? You're getting the floor wet!" His father yelled. Johnny glanced at his father.

"Answer me!" demanded waiting for an answer.

"I was out in the lot," Johnny said with a bit of anger in his tone.

"You were what?" asked joining in.

"I was out in the lot to be alone for a while and I didn't notice it was raining. I didn't ask to get wet." Johnny answered getting a bit irritated and nervous at the same time. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a rag of a chair. He wiped his wet face and hair off with the rag. While his father followed him into the kitchen.

"Listen here, Jonathan," started. "I'm not always going to clean up your damn mess like you always make a mess every time you come in this house. It's like you roll around in garbage all day and walk in here like you don't care. And quit using that tone of voice,"

Johnny was silent. Although, he glared at his father. Knowing that his father is the one who makes the messes. Usually who cleans up his father's mess is his wife or Johnny. Johnny cleans up not trying get his parents to reward him for it, he does it because he cares about their house environment and the family. But his parents claim he does nothing but sit around. Johnny knew that wasn't true. The only reason he had an attitude with his father once in a while was because he blamed him for everything and saying things that weren't true. Although, when it came to his parents being insulting and violent he would be scared out of mind and not knowing what to do or otherwise not able to do anything about it. Johnny still felt nervous of what his father was planning to do next. He was jumpy and nervous about almost everything. noticed that Johnny was glaring at him while Johnny put the rag back onto the chair.

"Don't give me that look!" ordered and slapped Johnny across the face.

Johnny lost his balance and held on to the table as he fell causing it to move and make a noise. Luckily, there was nothing on the table so nothing broke or fell. grabbed the back of the collar of his jean jacket and lifted Johnny up to his feet. He let go of his collar and wrapped his fingers around Johnny's throat. He then pushed Johnny up against a nearby living room wall. His father's fingers still wrapped around Johnny's throat. Johnny felt like he was suffocating. He could feel his father's fingers tighten around his throat making it more difficult to breathe. While his mother stood there in the living room watching every moment not giving a care of what was going on. Tears were forming in Johnny's eyes and his heart beating fast with fear.

"Listen you little shit. When you give an attitude like that you know what happens," said getting closer to Johnny's face. "Punishment."

clenched his fist and hit Johnny in the ribs. Johnny yelped in pain. With his father choking him it was hard to even make a sound. He then threw Johnny on the living room floor letting go of his throat. Johnny gasped to breathe in air. He put his hand on his throat feeling his airway opening again. While his ribs were aching. came over to his son on the floor and kicked him in the stomach knocking the wind out of him. Johnny clutched his stomach and put his head in his arm. lit a cigarette and watched as if she was entertained. grabbed Johnny by his hair and lifting him up to his feet. He got closer to his face. Johnny could smell the alcohol in his father's breath. He stared wide eyed into his father's own eyes. Johnny began to breathe heavily and his hands trembling.

"This is what happens when you give an attitude to your parents young man," said.

Johnny's heart was beating so fast he felt like his heart would explode. He swallowed the lump in his throat. His father backed out of Johnny's face. Studying his son's expression. His father smirked.

"I don't think you've been punished enough," said devilishly.

"Put him in the bathroom," suggested.

"Quiet women!" yelled back at his wife. Although, he did think that was a good idea of how he would punish Johnny another way.

pulled Johnny by his hair and dragged Johnny into the bathroom. He turned the light on which was a white light that looked like a light that you would see in a hospital room. He threw Johnny on the floor but he landed in a pile of towels. His father snatched a small rope and wrapped it around Johnny's wrists so they were tied together behind his back. then turned the knob of the tub. Water coming out of the faucet. Johnny turned his head from the towels getting a migraine from the beatings. He heard the faucet turn off and his father grabbing him the jacket once again standing on his feet. His father held Johnny's front collar and made him bend down on his knees. He pushed Johnny's back against the tub. Johnny noticed that the tub was filled up. He was going to be drowned by his own father! pushed Johnny forcefully under the water. Johnny held his breath with bubbles bursting out of his nose. His hair floating in the water while struggling to pull himself back to the surface. Eyes squeezed shut. Dry blood clearing his face. Johnny felt himself being yanked out of the water. He gasped but was pulled back down with water splashing all over the room in the process. kept dunking him back into the tub with Johnny not even getting a chance to breathe every time he was being pulled back up. Johnny felt like he was going to die right then. Finally, after what seemed like hours of almost drowning, lifted Johnny out of the water. Johnny gasped again and hyperventilating. stood up from his position and threw Johnny on the pile of wet towels landing on his stomach. His father bent down and grabbed Johnny by his hair lifting his head up.

"Think twice before giving me an attitude," said.

Johnny spat in his father's face. He then slammed Johnny's face into the towels. stood at the bathroom doorway.

"Stay there you little shit," demanded and slammed the door. Leaving Johnny lightly gasping for air and turned his head to see the bathtub was dripping with water and half the room was soaked.

Johnny was losing consciousness. Before blacking out, he heard his mother yelling at her husband for making a mess in the bathroom. Knowing she heard the splashing water.

Johnny was awaken by thunder roaring outside. Johnny weakly sat up from laying position feeling sore all over his body. He then remembered that his hands were tied behind his back. He tried reaching his hand into his pocket to grab his switchblade. Once he pulled it out of his back pocket he cut the rope and freed his wrists. He dropped his switchblade and rubbed both of his wrist. He wondered how long he had been unconsciousness. He looked out the small window and saw it was getting dark. He was surprised the storm had not past yet, not even close. He leaned his head against the cabinets and sighed feeling lightheaded. Johnny grabbed his switchblade, put it back in his pocket and lifted himself up with the counters support and stood up feeling weak in the legs. He put both hands on the counter and put his weight on it with his head down. Johnny felt sick to his stomach. He felt like he needed to vomit. Maybe if he did it would probably make him feel a little bit better. He clutched his stomach and threw up the contents out of him. He spat into the sink along with what just came out of him. Johnny turned on the faucet to clean out the sink. He cupped his hand under the faucet and drank the water making his stomach settle. He turned off the water. He stood with both hands on the counter keeping him steady with his head still down. Johnny spat into the sink again taking a breath.

Johnny gazed up at the mirror. His clothes and hair were dry. The grease had been washed out completely. The dry blood was no longer appearing but what was still remaining was the cuts. The bruises had faded. Johnny didn't have to study his reflection this time. He could see clearly now. He was called a "pet", a "puppy". People had always said he is and looks small and weak, jumpy, overly sensitive, and fearful. Johnny hated it. He hated being called those things. People looking at him the wrong way. He hated being afraid all the time and everyone making fun of him just because of it and being a bit sensitive once in a while. Johnny felt his whole world collide. He wished he didn't feel this way. He wished he didn't have fear inside of him just because something happens. He hated fear. He hated his life.

Johnny's blood began to boil. He glared at his reflection. He bared his teeth and clenched his fist. Johnny punched the mirror in anger. The glass piercing his flesh. Drawing blood onto the broken glass. Blood spreading on his fist and part of his hand and fingers. Johnny pulled back his fist in pain without making a sound that wanted to escape his throat but held it back. Johnny grabbed his wrist as he dropped to his knees. He looked down at the blood that was streaming down his hand and onto the floor. His breathing became heavier every second. Tears running down his face. Pieces of glass were inside the wounds of his fist. Johnny carefully pulled out the glass. Flinching, while every sharp glass was being removed. Once the glass was out of his fist, he grabbed a paper towel and wrapped it around his hand. Putting pressure on the wounds to stop the bleeding. Johnny's arm began to tremble. The pain felt like a virus that has been going on for years and to this day. Johnny felt like he was about to lose his breath from hyperventilating so much. He took a few deep breaths to finally get air back into his lungs.

He looked around to see if any broken glass was scattered on the floor. But found nothing other than the small pieces of glass he pulled out of his hand. He stood back up and glanced at the broken mirror. The glass had been cracked all in that area. There was a circular cracked part of the mirror where Johnny had punched it. He gazed at the broken mirror. All he could see was his reflection in a broken form. The broken glass of his reflection represented of what Johnny felt inside. Shattered. His whole life was shattered. His heart has shattered. He didn't know what to believe in himself anymore. Tears filled his eyes. He sighed softly and closed his eyes.

The door knob jiggled. Johnny opened his eyes panicky. Knowing it was his father planning to yell at him. The door flung open hitting the wall. Johnny took a step back. His father glanced at the shattered mirror, then at Johnny who was looking in fear. He then glanced at Johnny's hand wrapped in a paper towel with blood bleeding through it. 's eyebrows lowered and stared back at Johnny.

"What the hell have you done?!" yelled. "I leave you in here for an hour and then you go on breaking the mirror like a criminal!"

"I'm sorry," Johnny said pleadingly. "I wasn't thinking."

"You damn right you weren't thinking! You're always thinking about yourself and breaking property," said.

"I don't think about myself and I don't break things on purpose," Johnny protested.

"Okay then, what was your excuse of breaking the mirror? Because this looks like it wasn't an accident, said making a point.

Johnny didn't answer. He didn't want to tell his father that he broke it just because of all the thoughts and misery of his life and thinking the mirror was just a lie but held the truth.

"That's what I thought," said.

grabbed Johnny by the collar of his jacket and threw him outside of the bathroom causing him to hit the wall and land on his behind. The bloody paper towel flying off his hand. Picture frames and other items on the wall fall onto Johnny's head. He felt lightheaded for a second but snapped right back into reality.

His father blew Johnny's last nerve. He was sick and tired of being treated like dirt when he has done nothing wrong and makes mistakes once in a while. He cares about his family deeply but tonight was the night he tried to let it out with his dad straight. This time, he didn't feel fear. He felt anger. Johnny stood up on his own against the wall and glared straight at his father standing right in front of him.

"I've had with you! Johnny yelled through tears. I don't understand why you always treat me like I mean nothing to you. I try to do everything to make you happy but you just push me away. I love and care about you and mom a lot. But you guys never give me love or a single care. All you do in return is ignore and beat me all the time. Do you know how much that hurts? Parents not caring for their own flesh and blood? I hate it when guys fight all the time and get drunk. Every night, I sleep out in the lot because I'm too scared of even sleeping in my own house with you guys fighting or otherwise waking me up just to beat or yell at me. Alright, I admit it. I'm afraid of everything. Even my own damn shadow. I get jumpy all the time because those damn Socs beat me up really bad. Do you think I asked to get this scar and be scared of everything? I'm even considered as a little puppy because I'm scared looking and smaller than everyone else. I'm just a follower. An outcast. I can't even be happy for once. I cry myself to sleep at night because I just wish for one day for you guys to stop fighting and wishing that there were no such thing as Greasers or Socs. I sleep outside because I don't want to bother anyone with my presence. I just want everyone in those gangs just to be ordinary people. But they're not. I have to accept the fact I'm always afraid and being treated like I'm a fourteen year old and you guys not giving a damn about me. I don't think of myself, you do. You always want to beat mom and me up because you think we do everything wrong but we don't. You're the one that does things wrong. What's the damn point? I know you guys aren't going to listen to me anyway. I just mean nothing to you."

Johnny was breathing heavy from yelling for half of the time and tears were pouring out of his flaming dark eyes. Both his mother and father looked confused.

"Forget it," Johnny's voice cracked while the tears were still falling as he walked past his father

Both parents watching him walk to his room and slammed the door. Johnny locked the door. He put his back to the door and slid down into sitting position. His parents yelling at each other again about Johnny's mess in the bathroom and how he was "talking back" to his parents. He knew that his parents didn't even listen to a word he said. Johnny leaned against the door in fetal position sobbing into his knees. He couldn't bear anything anymore. Everything just seemed like too much for him to handle. He knew what he had conveyed meant nothing to his parents. It just felt like the walls were closing in on his life. He didn't know what else to do anymore. Maybe he should just give up. There was no point in trying.

Johnny stretch out his legs and leaned his head against the door hearing yells turn into screams. Tears still shedding. He had always thought of committing suicide but he didn't have the guts to end his life. He had then remembered his switchblade. He looked down and moved his hand to his back pocket. He took the blade out. He pulled the trigger and the knife flipped opened. Johnny gazed at the blade, thinking he could end all of this misery. He thought it would be better if the world was better off with him out of the picture. His parents and the gang could be happy.

He turned the blade vertically so the blade was facing his chest area. He pointed the blade at his upper abdomen. He grasped the handle with both hands firmly. He pushed the blade halfway into his abdomen then stopped. He moaned in pain. He was thinking he should go on. But he was close to dying with the blade half inside of him. He realized he couldn't do this. He was afraid of dying. He always talked about killing himself but he just couldn't end it now. Sure, his life was hell but it wouldn't be any better if he killed himself. There was a voice saying not to end his life. His nerves were getting tensed by the pain and being scared. Johnny pulled the blade out of his abdomen. He studied the blade to see his blood on the tip of the hilt. The small wound in his abdomen was bleeding out but not gushing. He sighed and banged the back of his head against the door in frustration. He thought about using the knife for something else. Not to kill, but slit his wrist. He knew it was self harm but he didn't care. The pain didn't feel good but he thought people were addicted to it for various reasons instead of the pain.

Johnny glance at his blade again. He made his decision. Johnny pulled his jacket sleeve up to reveal his scar free wrist. However, it wasn't going to be scar free for long. He placed the blade on his left wrist. Then, he pushed the blade into his flesh. He groaned in pain with every cut he made. He continued a few more cuts until he finally stopped. Tears began to start again. He already caused enough pain to himself. Trying to forget every nightmare that has happened about his past, holding in his emotions, and now causing self harm like breaking the mirror and cutting himself with his own switchblade. He didn't know how much more he could take. He took a deep breath trying to calm down.

He spotted the stuffed bear on his bed. He got up and went over to sit on his bed. He put the switchblade down beside him. He reached for the bear and studied it. The bear's ribbon was slightly ribbed and the bear's fur was smudged with dirt. One of the bear's black eyes were missing, leaving the stuffed animal with only one eye. Johnny held the bear against his chest with his hand gripping the small toy. Johnny never slept with the bear anymore. He only kept it because in his childhood, the bear was always there to comfort him when he was afraid or hurt or whenever he wanted to play with it when he was in a happy mood. Johnny did not have much toys so that bear was his favorite stuffed animal. He would take the bear almost everywhere he went. The other reason was because Ponyboy gave it to him. He pulled away the bear to stare at it once more. He stroked the bears head with his thumb. He squeezed the bear's stomach lightly and then loosened his grip.

He stood up from the bed to put his old stuffed animal into the closet. The switchblade fell off the bed and landed on the hardwood floor with a cling. Johnny looked over to find his switchblade on the floor. He walked over and bent down to pick it up. He glanced at the knife which still had blood on it. Then, glanced at his cut wrist. He grabbed a rag from his dresser and cleaned the blood off of his switchblade and wrist. He closed the blade and put it back into his pocket and threw the rag back on top of his dresser. He knew where to go this time. To the Curtis's.

Johnny unlocked the door and opened it to see his parents were still arguing. Johnny tried to act like they weren't there until they spotted him walking to the front door. violently grabbed Johnny's shoulder and turned him around to face him.

"Where do you think you're going?" asked demandingly.

"Don't touch me," Johnny yanked out of his father's grasp feeling afraid.

grabbed Johnny's t-shirt collar and pinned him against the wall behind him.

"You don't talk to me like that, boy!" yelled filling with rage.

"Let go of me!" Johnny pleaded struggling to get out of his father's grasp.

"I don't think so you little shit," said. "Learn how to be respectful!"

"You wouldn't know what respect is if it hit you in the head," said to her husband as he was getting distracted with his wife.

Johnny knew it was the right time to make a run for it and break free. Johnny got out of his father's grasp and ran for the door.

"Get him!" ordered.

try to snatch Johnny again but missed. Johnny opened the door quickly and ran out of the house. turned to his wife.

"This is what happens when distract me you bitch," complained while watching son running in the rain.

"Jonathan!" called out.

Johnny had already disappeared before the parents could see where he was running off to.


	5. Please Help Me

Johnny ran as fast as he could. He was running in the rain as it was getting dark. He panted as he ran. He knew exactly where he was going. The destination was only a block away and wouldn't take him long. His sides began to cramp. His heart and pulse was beating in a fast rhythm. His lungs growing tighter. He felt like his legs would fall out from under him. But he didn't care. Although, his running pace was getting slower. He knew he need to stop running but he wouldn't give up even if he ran slower. Johnny finally spotted the Curtis house. The lights were on so the brothers or one of them were home. He tried to run faster. He was almost there.

Johnny finally made it by the metal gate of their house. He leaned up against it catching his breath and clutching the bars. He reached for the lock of the gate and opened it. He entered in the yard and closed the gate door behind him and locked it again. He walked up the stairs onto the porch. Luckily, he was protected from the rain with the roof above him. Johnny held his aching sides as he approached the front door. The screen door was gone and now everyone had to knock on their door.

A month ago, the Curtis's were robbed by the Socs, even though, they had nothing valuable. Half of the Curtis's things were stolen and there were broken glass and shattered frames everywhere. The house was a complete mess. It took the Curtis's four weeks to put the house back together. But they managed to repair the damage that the Socs had created.

Johnny cautiously knocked on the door. As he waited, he put his arm against the house wall next to the door. He leaned his head against his arm and put his free hand on his hip. Breathing a little bit ragged slightly out of breath. He closed his eyes and sighed.

Ponyboy spreaded the curtains open and glanced out the window to see Johnny Cade outside looking like he had ran all the way here. Concern began to fill Ponyboy seeing his best friend in the position he was in. Ponyboy quickly got up from the couch and head for the door. He turned the doorknob.

Johnny heard the door open as someone stepped out. He looked up and saw Ponyboy Curtis who looked worried.

"Hey Pony," Johnny greeted tiredly.

"Hey Johnny," Ponyboy greeted back with worry in his voice.

Ponyboy studied Johnny in a closer view. He had some cuts on his face but the blood appeared to be washed out. He saw a centimeter hole in his shirt in his abdominal area. There was a spot of blood on the collar of his jean jacket. Ponyboys eyes widen a bit. He figured Johnny was probably beaten by his father again. He was also a bit wet from the rain he had been walking (or running) in. Ponyboy had to get him inside. It was too cold and wet for him to stay outside.

"Come on Johnny, get inside you're gonna freeze out here," Ponyboy said as he gripped Johnny's arm and lead him inside.

Johnny didn't protest. He let Ponyboy drag him inside the house. He felt the warm air in the room which was physically comforting. Ponyboy shut the door once he got Johnny in the house. He was going to ask Johnny if he wanted hot chocolate but Johnny's back was turned to him with his arms wrapped around himself staring at the ground. This made Ponyboy very worried. He walked behind Johnny slowly. He put a hand on Johnny's shoulder making him jump. Johnny turned around frightenly but then calmed when he realized it was just Ponyboy. Ponyboy raised an eyebrow in confusion. He was used to seeing Johnny jumpy but not like this.

"You okay?" Ponyboy asked.

Johnny was glancing at Ponyboy and at the floor.

"Why?" Johnny asked but didn't answer Ponyboy's question.

"You're acting really jumpier than usual," Ponyboy said.

Johnny shrugged.

"Did something happen?" Ponyboy asked concerned.

Johnny was afraid of this. Having an answer that he was okay when obviously he wasn't. He knew Ponyboy wouldn't buy it. Johnny was a terrible liar. He couldn't lie if he wanted to. The gang and everyone else could read him like a book. Johnny looked around the room to see if anyone else was there.

"Where're Darry and Soda?" Johnny asked trying to change the subject.

"They're at work," Ponyboy explained but he wasn't going to drop the previous subject. "You haven't answered my question. What's going on?"

Johnny knew Ponyboy wasn't going to drop that subject. He gave up but he didn't know what to tell Ponyboy.

"Ponyboy, can we go in your's and Soda's room?" Johnny asked wanting to keep things private even though nobody was in the house other than him and Ponyboy.

"Sure Johnnycakes," Ponyboy said.

Ponyboy and Johnny headed to his and Soda's room and Ponyboy shut the door behind him with Johnny having his back turned to him again. Seeing Johnny like this made every nerve in Ponyboy's body tensed. He was use to seeing Johnny as a nervous wreck but nothing like this. This was different.

"Johnny," Ponyboy said.

Johnny turned to face his friend who looked more concerned than when he got to their house.

"What's bothering you so bad?" Ponyboy asked.

Johnny was shaking now. He was afraid to tell Ponyboy. It was not just because of how he would react. It was because he didn't want to talk about what happened today. He had already had a rough day as it is. Johnny didn't even bother to go to school today because of the Socs bothering him and not being able to focus in school because of the thoughts he had been having lately. He didn't even bother to go to any of the gang. Because he did not want them to ask him what was wrong. He hated talking about his emotions sometimes. Especially, when he was in a mood like this. Johnny then broke out of his trance to remembering the question that was waiting to be answered. He glance at Ponyboy who was waiting for a response. Johnny had a thought just to say only about his parents just yelling at him. He swallowed the lump in his throat. He turned to face Ponyboy.

"I-it's just about my parents," Johnny stuttered. "Nothing new."

"Nothing new?" Ponyboy said not believing that statement.

"Look Pony, it's just the same old thing that happens everyday of my life. Nothing about it is new," Johnny said still sounding scared.

Ponyboy raised an eyebrow. He still wasn't believing that his parents yelling and fighting was old news. This had to be different.

"Johnny," Ponyboy started. "I know you're lying. I know you are a nervous wreck ever since those Socs jumped you but I've never seen you this jumpy with your parents. They did something else to you didn't they?"

Johnny bit his lip. He continued not to respond. But Ponyboy wasn't going to give up. Johnny wished he would already. Ponyboy looked into the sixteen year old's eyes. He saw everything that he had predicted about Johnny's emotions. Fear and sadness. Ponyboy felt upset inside. He didn't want to see his best buddy like this. Which is why he wasn't going to give up so he could help Johnny with the best of his ability.

"I know they must have done something else to you that made you this way. Just tell me what happened," Ponyboy said.

"It doesn't matter," Johnny protested.

"It does matter Johnny. Your parents hurt you and it ain't right. Everyone's worried about you. Nobody wants you to feel like you're not wanted. You are wanted," Ponyboy argued.

"I know that and I appreciate it," Johnny said. "But it's different when your parents don't love you anymore. I'm not trying complain or nothing. I'm grateful for what I have and the friends I got. But I just miss my old sober parents. The ones who didn't yell at me for nothing all the time and beat me just because the stars come out. I know you lost your parents Ponyboy but at least they never beat you or your brothers. You're lucky your brothers don't beat you either."

Johnny was right. Ponyboy was lucky to have a family that didn't abuse him even when his parents died. He felt bad for Johnny having to go through torture just because his parents get drunk.

"You're right," Ponyboy said. "But the only thing you don't know is losing someone you love and care about."

Johnny froze. Ponyboy was right. Johnny really didn't know how it felt to lose someone you loved. He stared at the floor feeling dumbfounded by complaining about his drunk parents while Ponyboy's parents are deceased. Ponyboy could tell that Johnny was feeling guilty for what he had said. Even though he had nothing to be sorry about. Johnny may have not apologized out loud but Ponyboy could read Johnny's mind telling him that he truly felt sorry. Ponyboy looked down at Johnny's wrist. There was dry blood smeared on his wrist. He began to wonder. Ponyboy grabbed Johnny's bloody wrist and studied it. There were six cuts that were now going to form into scars that he would have to permanently keep for the rest of his life. Ponyboy's mouth was half opened in shock. He looked up at Johnny. His expression was giving a sign that he was embarrassed. He didn't want Ponyboy to see that. Ponyboy looked back down at his wrist again.

"Johnny, have you been slitting your wrist?" Ponyboy asked worryingly.

Johnny's blood began to boil. Johnny jerked his wrist out of Ponyboy's grasp.

"Okay yes, I've been cutting myself. Happy?" Johnny said angrily.

"No. But…" Ponyboy was interrupted.

"I was cutting myself because of my parents," Johnny burst with tears running down his face. "My old man beat me worse today. He tried to drown me in our bathroom and beat me several times before that. He even kept doing it until I passed out cold on the floor with my hands tied behind my back. I even broke the damn mirror because I'm tired of looking at of how scared I look and how I'm a puppy. Next thing you know, my old man throws me out of the bathroom and hitting me against the wall. I told him how I felt but do you think he would listen? Because he didn't. My mom didn't even help stop everything that was going on. All she did was sit and watch like it was an action show for her or something. I nearly cut my guts out today all because of that. I'm tired of being treated that way by my own parents. I'm tired of being called weak just because I'm smaller than everyone else. I'm tired of remembering everything that happen in my childhood that I don't even remember half of the good times I use to have. I'm tired of living!"

Johnny leaned his arm against the wall and rested his head on it. He was bawling. Ponyboy was standing there wided eyed and sad looking. He had never seen Johnny this upset about anything before. Ponyboy wished he could take his pain away so he wouldn't have to be tortured. But there was nothing he could really do except comfort him. He walked behind Johnny and rubbed his back tenderly. Still bawling. Ponyboy gripped Johnny by the shoulder.

"C'mon Johnny, lets go sit on the bed," Ponyboy urged Johnny.

The two teenage boys sat on Ponyboy and Soda's bed. Tears were streaming fast down Johnny's face. As if the tears had been dying to escape the pain that Johnny was feeling. Ponyboy put his arm around Johnny's shoulder.

"I can't take much more of this Ponyboy," Johnny said sobbing. "I don't know what to do man."

"You'll figure out something," Ponyboy said in a comforting voice.

Johnny stared into his green eyes that were filled with sadness. Johnny wrapped his arms around Ponyboy. Pulling him into an embrace. Ponyboy wrapped his arms around Johnny rubbing his back again as Johnny began to sob into his shoulder. Tears were wetting Ponyboy's shirt but he didn't care. He could feel Johnny's body shaking with every cry. Ponyboy stroked Johnny's black partially dry half greased hair. Johnny's grip was getting tighter around him.

He was thinking that Johnny wouldn't want him telling the gang about all of this. If he didn't want him to tell the gang or not he still wouldn't talk about any of this. He would keep his trap shut real good no matter what the circumstances was to these situations.

It had seemed like hours of the boys embracing each other. Johnny finally had finished crying. They pulled away from each other. Johnny stared at the floor again with tears still falling. Ponyboy grasped Johnny's chin and turned his head to face him. He then used his thumb to wipe away Johnny's falling tears. Johnny's hands were trembling and his face was flushed. Tears were now slowly falling.

"Take a deep breath," Ponyboy said as Johnny took a few deep breaths while Ponyboy continued to stroke his back.

"Stay right here, I'm gonna go get you a Pepsi from the kitchen," Ponyboy said as he opened the door and walked into the kitchen. Johnny took small deep breaths to try to regain himself. Ponyboy returned with a Pepsi can in his hand. He sat down next to Johnny on the bed again and handed him the canned beverage. Johnny took it and opened the can. He took a gulp out of it. 'Man he must have been really thirsty from all that drama and crying' Ponyboy thought to himself. Johnny sighed as he pulled away the can and put it on the nightstand beside him.

"Better?" Ponyboy asked. Johnny nodded. Ponyboy remembered some of the cuts and bruises so he decided he was going to need to bandage Johnny's wounds.

"Lets fix you up," Ponyboy said and Johnny nodded while he took another drink of his Pepsi. Ponyboy pulled out the first-aid-kit from under the bed. He got an ice pack for Johnny to hold up for the bruises on his face. Ponyboy washed the dry blood off of Johnny's skin where the damages were with a wet clean rag. He then wrapped bandages around Johnny's knuckles and wrist to keep the wounds from getting infected. He put another bandage on the side of Johnny's head after cleaning the dry blood. Once he was finished, he put the first-aid-kit back where it belonged. Johnny still held the ice pack up to his face. Silence filled the room. Johnny grabbed the Pepsi and drank the whole can until it was empty. Ponyboy broke the silence.

"I'm sorry that happened to you Johnnycakes. If there was anything I could do for you just so you wouldn't be tortured I would," Ponyboy said.

"I know," Johnny said softly. After another few minutes of silence Johnny spoke up.

"Look Pony, I didn't mean to get all overreacted like that. It's just...," Johnny hesitated swallowing the lump in his throat. "I just can't take my folks fighting and arguing all the time. But no excuses. I'm sorry for acting like that.

Ponyboy was overwhelmed. Why was Johnny apologizing for his actions about his emotions? All he did was cry because of what he has been going through. Nothing Johnny did was overreacting. Ponyboy thought that he might have pushed Johnny too hard. He tries to help everyone in anyway he could. But sometimes, without realizing, Ponyboy just pushes people too far. He didn't mean to put any more pressure on Johnny. All he wanted to do was help his best friend in need. Johnny had every right to burst out like that. He needed to. There was just too much thoughts in the depth of his brain that were filling his emotions up. And those emotions were pain. At least he cried it out. Although, Ponyboy didn't know weather that he made Johnny feel worse or if he helped him.

"No, don't be sorry," Ponyboy said wanting to take the blame for pushing Johnny too hard. "I'm the one who should be apologizing.

Johnny looked at him with a confused expression. Wondering why Ponyboy was apologizing to him.

"I pushed you too hard and I felt like that I made it worse for you. You've been through a lot today. I shouldn't have made you tell me what was going on. Although, I'm really worried about you Johnny. You go through worse than all of us. And you weren't overreacting, you were just trying to express your emotions. A lot of people do that when they are put under pressure. That doesn't mean it is overreacting because it's not. I'm sorry for pushing you Johnnycake. I never meant to make you any more worse than you already were." Ponyboy apologized.

"You didn't make it worse. It actually felt pretty good to let it out. I'm glad you pushed me. You kind of showed me how to let my emotions out even if I didn't want to. I needed that a lot. Thank you Ponyboy." Johnny said with a small reassuring smile. "Are you sure I wasn't overreacting?"

"Yes, I'm sure you weren't overreacting," Ponyboy assured Johnny with a small chuckle sitting down next to him. Johnny chuckled with him. It made Ponyboy happy knowing he could get a small smile of his best friend's face. Even on rough days.

Ponyboy looked down at Johnny's upper abdomen. Wondering if Johnny was trying to stab himself there. He saw the hole in his shirt and the small wound that was visible. Dry blood appeared around the wound.

"Johnny, is that where you tried to stab yourself?" Ponyboy asked pointing at the wound on his upper abdomen.

"Yeah," Johnny said shamefully.

Ponyboy patted Johnny's arm and went to the bathroom to get one of those medium sized band-aids. He back back into the bedroom and handed Johnny a band-aid. Johnny got up from his spot and went to the bathroom to cover the wound and try to fix the hole in his shirt. Meanwhile, Ponyboy picked up Johnny's empty Pepsi can and went in the kitchen to throw it into the recycling bin. The boys returned to the bedroom after about five minutes of getting settled in again. Sitting in their previous spots. The room was filled with silence. Ponyboy studied the older boy next to him. Johnny now had his wrist and his knuckle wrapped in white bandages with a little blood bleeding through it. The band-aid that Ponyboy had given to Johnny was under his shirt to cover the wound in that area. The cuts and bruises were fading away. Johnny almost looked close to being healed. Johnny spoke up.

"Hey Ponyboy can you promise me something?" Johnny asked.

"Sure thing Johnnycakes," Ponyboy said. "What is it?"

"Can you promise not to tell the gang about me nearly killing myself and slitting my wrist or about my parents? Please," Johnny pleaded softly. " I'll figure out an explanation for the bandages. Just keep this between you and me."

Ponyboy nodded. "I promise. But you gotta promise me something to."

"What?" Johnny asked.

"You promise you ain't going to try to kill yourself again?" Ponyboy asked.

"Yeah, I promise," Johnny said as he shook Ponyboy's hand in agreement. The boys embraced each other again for at least a few minutes before pulling away.

"Thanks a lot Ponyboy," Johnny said with a smile. "For everything."

"You're welcome Johnny. Anything for you," Ponyboy smiled back. Both of the boys yawned. "I'm tired. What time is it?"

"I don't know but it's really dark out so it must be pretty late," Johnny said in response. "When do Darry and Soda get home?"

"Not till midnight," Ponyboy said as he rubbed his eyes. "Sleep in our house tonight."

"Are you sure?" Johnny asked.

"Of course Johnny, you're always welcome," Ponyboy said. "C'mon you can sleep on Soda's side of the bed tonight. He won't mind."

"Okay," Johnny said as he took off his jean jacket and hung on the coat rack near the door of the bedroom and took his shoes off next to the door. He put the ice pack down on Soda's nightstand.

Ponyboy took off his shoes and crawled into bed. Johnny crawled into bed with him on the other side of the bed. Ponyboy turns the lamp off with darkness filling the room. Ponyboy and Johnny lay on their sides with their backs turned to each other.

"Goodnight Ponyboy," Johnny says tiredly.

"Goodnight Johnny," Ponyboy respond tiredly.

The two teenage boys fall into a restless sleep. Midnight, Soda and Darry finally get off of work. Darry prepares himself to take a shower while Soda checks on Ponyboy. Figuring he was asleep since there was no sight of him. Soda opens their bedroom door to see little Johnny sleeping on his side of the bed with Ponyboy. Soda smiles brightly at the sight. He closes the door quietly and crashes out on the couch.

Johnny may have had it rough that day but he knew that everyday he was learning how to become strong and fight the will to survive. He was grateful to have his best friend by his side. Ponyboy was also grateful to have a friend like Johnny.

Johnny knew that no matter what nothing was going to get in his way. Not even the Socs.


End file.
